First Woody Harrelson, now this.
Next thing you know, Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg will be joining forces with Jeff Sessions to spearhead Humboldt County helicopter raids.
Sorry, we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves.
Allow us to introduce you to the new Miley Cyrus:
Yes, it’s hard to believe that wholesome-looking 24-year-old (The tattoos kinda mess up the image, but you know what she’s going for.) is the same young woman who used to test the limits of Instagram’s nudity policy on a daily basis.
But like it or not, Miley says she’s a completely new woman these days.
She’s even put down the devil’s lettuce in pursuit of a more mainstream, countrified image:
“I f–king hate it when people can’t adjust,” Miley tells Billboard in the magazine’s latest issue.
“I used to [resist changing]. But I haven’t smoked weed in three weeks, which is the longest I’ve ever [gone without it]. I’m not doing drugs, I’m not drinking, I’m completely clean right now! That was just something that I wanted to do.”
So what’s the reasoning behind this transformation?
Well, there are bound to be more rumors that Miley changed for Liam Hemsworth, but the quirky songstress says that’s not the case:
Aside from the fact that it’s hard to pay attention to a stripped-down acoustic set when the singer is literally stripped down (call it the “Jenny from Forrest Gump” effect), Miley says she believes she’ll have more of a political impact if she’s wearing clothes:
“I’ve got to glue this place back together,” Miley says, “this place,” of course, being the good old U.S. of A.
“I love talking to people, and I approach them in a normal, ‘Don’t treat me different, ’cause I’m not’ way. That’s what started this evolution for me, getting out of my Dead Petz phase,” she tells Billboard.
“People stare at me anyway, but people stare at me a lot when I’m dressed as a f–king cat… I like talking to people that don’t agree with me, but I don’t think I can do that in an aggressive way.”
She adds (hopefully with a completely straight face):
“I don’t think those people are going to listen to me when I’m sitting there in nipple pasties, you know?”
We should’ve figured this out when Miley didn’t post a pic of herself being rolled up in a giant blunt to celebrate 4/20.
That’s like Santa deciding to just Fed Ex all the presents on December 26 to save on shipping.
Anyway, it’s great that Miley’s trying to take her life in what she sees as a more positive direction, but here’s hoping she only put her crotchless latex bodysuits and five-foot bong in the closet, and not in the trash.
We’re starting to miss the old Miley already.